What's the difference between sex positivity, conscious sexuality and Tantra?

Let’s explore the answer to a question I get asked frequently: What’s the difference between sex positivity, conscious sexuality, and Tantra? And why is everything—from workshops to sex parties—being branded as Tantra or called a Temple?

Three very different things

Sex positivity is a philosophy that in essence sees sex as an intrinsic good—in the way that food is an intrinsic good. That doesn’t mean one can’t make oneself sick by eating takeaways all the time, but that doesn’t stop food being an intrinsic good. This principle has given rise to diverse spaces, from queer techno sex parties to burning man festivals and much in between.

Conscious sexuality is the idea that we can approach our sexuality consciously. Under this umbrella are sober spaces which include practices that support people to let go of their shame, to have a clear focus on consent and boundaries, to take back autonomy over their sexual pleasure.

Tantra is a spiritual path. It’s a set of practices and a worldview that originated in the subcontinent and has branched into two relatively distinct schools, classical and neo-tantra. What both unites both classical and neo Tantra is firstly a focus on the body. Secondly an understanding that sexual energy is life-energy and that we can work with our energy to heal, have a felt sense of interconnectedness, dissolve our ego and access an intelligence beyond the self. Thirdly, both schools offer practices and approaches to release stored trauma and tension from the body freeing our life force to flow.

Why is everything called Tantra these days?

Conscious sexuality events often try to differentiate themselves from sex parties by appropriating pseudo-spiritual language and calling themselves ‘tantra’ or ‘temples’.

I think they are motivated to do this, because, sadly, they have unconsciously internalized societal shame that deems sex parties to be a bad thing and want to say ‘we are not that.’

Unfortunately, this results in reinforcing the very shame conscious sexuality set out to challenge and leads to confusion as to what tantra is and isn’t.

Conscious sexuality is important. It’s our birthright to enjoy our sexuality and our bodies in whatever shape or form. Offering spaces where we can explore this from a place of empowerment and consent, free from shame is of fundamental importance.

I think it’s time that conscious sexuality calls itself what it is: we’re consciously sexual and we matter—rather than calling itself Tantra, which it’s not.